TEACHING CHILDREN TO CONTROL JEALOUSY
Dealing with emotions is difficult at any age and if this is true for adults, it is not surprising that it is even more so for children. One of the first emotions that children experience is jealousy. When playing at home with their siblings or at the park with their friends for the first time, it is always a rather challenging for children to share their toys, leading to arguments, tears and tantrums that makes things difficult for their mothers. What should you do in these cases?
SIMPLY FOLLOW THE 3Cs
When a mother sees her child refusing to share his toys, the first thing she thinks is that she hasn’t passed on the right principles to her child or, worse still, that her child is selfish. As a matter of fact, when they are very young, it is not a question of what they have been taught but how they learn to deal with their feelings. Some children develop self-control skills and the ability share quickly, above all if they have siblings who are an excellent training ground, while others need more time. What should you do on these occasions? Remember the 3Cs: calm, comprehension and certainty.
In general, the first reaction of mothers, the most impulsive one, is to scold their child telling him to share his game, but often this gets quite the opposite reaction. Your child will carry on throwing a tantrum, refusing to share. The best thing to do in this case is to stay calm and count silently to ten and then talk your child calmly, perhaps taking him aside and explaining that the child he is playing with will not take anything away from him, but will play with the toy for a while, and then give it back.
The feeling of uneasiness that you feels when you lend something to a person and are not sure if you are going to get it back, is something that all mothers and fathers have experienced at least once in their life, and perhaps even more than once. When children experience this emotion, we need to make them feel that we understand what they feeling, getting across to them that it is quite normal to feel certain things but sometimes you also need to trust others and share.
Often when you feel jealous, it is because you are a feeling a little insecure and are therefore afraid that you may not have the ability to keep what is yours. In these moments, it is very important to make your child feel secure, making him feel that he is loved and that with patience and kindness he can get what he wants.
If you are still wondering, after the 3Cs, when, how and if you need to step in, the answer is yes. You should step in if the quarrel is not calming down on its own, but do so in a calm and understanding manner. Also, remember that as your children grow older their awareness of things will increase and above all, they will learn the difference between good and bad by following the examples Mom and Dad set. So parents who behave the way they want their children to, can rest easily because they are raising a child with sound principles.