The first sleepover with granny and grandpa

A child passes through different stages to become autonomous, gradually building up his identity and learning to understand what kind of person he or she wants to become.

From a psychological point of view, children are always attracted and intrigued by new experiences, wanting to prove how "strong" they can be. At the same time these changes may scare your child because they force him to let go, at least temporarily, of the things and habits that make him feel secure.

One of the things that may have a huge emotional impact is undoubtedly a child's first separation from his parents but separating a child from his parents every now and then helps to ensure healthy and balanced growth.

First and foremost, if possible it is a good thing to accustom your child to spending time and falling asleep with people other than yourself: this teaches him to build up relationships and adapt to different ways of doing things. If this is not possible or difficult, separation from parents may be more difficult and it may be necessary to do thing slowly, leaving your child with the person you have chosen, for a short time only, gradually lengthening the time you leave him.

Many families are fortunate enough to be able to count on grandparents as educational figures to support their parenting role; grandparents are "family" who love the child and are a part of the daily lives of their loved ones.

If baby is lucky enough to spend time with his grandparents regularly, the first sleepover at granny and grandpa's house will be a truly exciting and educational experience, because it will allow your child to take one small step in his growing up process, surrounded by security and love.

Here are a few simple rules to follow the first time your child sleeps away from home:

• Say goodbye to your child cheerfully, look into his eyes, reassure him and tell him that Mommy and Daddy will come back: if adults display a confident attitude when they take leave of their child, he will feel that he can let his parents go away making him feel more confident.
• Never slip away without telling your child: there is no need to do this; your child must be told what is happening otherwise when he finds out that his parents are gone, he will feel betrayed and abandoned.
• Let him bring an object he loves since this will help him feel secure and less alone.
• When your child comes home give him lots of your time and attention: this way not only will he realise that you have kept your promise but will also feel happier when you have to leave him again.
• Establish the rules to follow with Granny and Grandpa about playtime, watching TV, bedtime and food: your child should follow the same rules he follows at home, so that he doesn't get the impression that there are two sets of rules, since this will confuse him and he may even start throwing tantrums.
• Finally, parents should accept the fact that when they return, their child may be angry or shy: try to respect his feelings, greet him calmly and give him all the time he need to feel better. Seeing Mummy and Daddy come back will calm him down and everything will go back to normal.

Remember that a sleepover with his grandparents is good for both the child and his parents: in the past there were many more experiences that helped make a child more independent because families were more numerous and it was normal for a child to interact with many different persons such as older brothers and sisters, uncles and other family members. Today we have fewer children and a mother tends to cope with all her child's need entirely on her own, finding it difficult to delegate even a part of these to someone else.

This makes it even more important to find occasions to leave your child with someone else since this helps your child develop their personality and self-determination: adults should overcome those unnecessary feelings of guilt and convince themselves that they are giving their child an important opportunity to grow up.